Day 44: Tired

WARNING: Yo- this blog is whiny.  But I need to vent and blog it out.

I'm tired for many reasons.  Why oh why did I get up again this morning to do the 5:45AM spin class at the gym?  I know why, so I could get some physical motivation.  That class has a few uniquely energetic individuals in there and I tend to soak up their positive energy vibes to get me through a tough work day.  PCP is fine and all but for me, there's nothing like actual, in-person group workouts. 

I'm tired because spending the middle of the week to get my food prepped just sucks.  Even though my dinner's are still easy, I got to prep, cut, dice, cook for a couple hours and that's tough to do when you're an individual like me and cooking is just not fun.  I'm just trying to say I feel ya on the food prep, Ian.  I did turn on music last night, which helped but sometimes I wish I could do an easier, less time consuming option.

I'm tired because I'm sick of feeling sick to my stomach every time I get hungry.  Yes, the feeling still goes away when I eat, but when I get hungry it's just cycles of uncomfortable, churning of the stomach.  I don't like this.  No I don't like this one bit.  Another 8 days of this stuuupid feeling, blech.

I'm tired of passing up all treats that get presented to me.  Halloween is going to be another tough, emotional time.  Today there were free treats in the break room and there was one lonely brownie, able and willing to be in my stomach - "GET IN MY BELLY!" but my arm didn't reach for it.  My hand didn't pick it up.  And thus the stomach and taste buds didn't get a treat.  What stopped me?  My commitment to PCP, team cookie monster and thinking there's gotta be a reason for progress on holding planks.  Wouldn't want that one tiny brownie to hinder my performance in the gym.  But actually, what stopped me, was that as I laid down to relax yesterday, I saw my hip bone protruding more than usual, and my stomach just lie flat.  Wow!  Look at you.  Hello hip bone!  I shall name you Norm and you and I will become great friends.

I'm tired today mostly because my body is tired.  Sore from the push-ups and chest dips from yesterday.  Sore from the pull-ups done in today's workout.  Knees are achy from the numerous bends they did yesterday and today.  Whaaaaa-Whaaaa-Whaaaaa.

Day 42: The Greater Good

Bad night of sleep or just enough sleep?  I don't know.  Went to bed at 10:30PM and woke at 5AM.  Try as I may, I just couldn't go back to sleep.  So what did I do?  Yep, you guessed it, I attended the 5:45AM-way-too-early-for-fish spin class at my gym.  Figured if I can't sleep anymore, might as well do some cardio.  I felt a bit out of place as the class was buzzing with energy as most had a red bull in one drink holder, water in the other.  Holy moly - uncontrollable energy.  It was quite an experience.

The bad food cravings are starting to come back.  I tried ignoring them but they are surfacing again.  Last night was a particularly bad craving for anything sweet and chocolaty, but I had just my serving of vegetables and forced myself to sleep.  I can feel today is going to be another tough day.  This fruit dinner is killing me emotionally and it's really tough to be in social eating situations in the evening.  I don't like it one bit.  Also, I dislike feeling hungry.  Again a temporary state, but it is tough.  Hunger pangs, hunger pangs go away.  Hunger pangs, hunger pangs come again some other day!  Yep, just made that up.  Although I don't really want them to come again another day.  So I should probably change that.

The thing is, I am not going to give into these temporary urges because I'm giving this PCP diet all I got.  I've never really controlled my diet before and if these feelings are the worst of what I need to go through in order to get the wellness benefits then so be it.  But if I come to the end of the very restricted dinners without much improvement, I will then know I gave it my best effort.  And then I learn more about my body such as this is what happens when I eat this way and this is what happens when I eat that way.  So if that means I gotta call it a night at 8PM every night while on these fruit dinners, then so be it.  What's the opposite of a vampire or a nocturnal being?  Day walker?  Like Blade - the vampire slaying day walker - although he also stayed awake at night to do his job...hmmm...Suggestions???      

Day 41: The Queasy Stomach

So it's Day 41 and I'm hungry, queasy, unsettled, anxious, and just feeling a bit off.  I did talk to Patrick about it and it seems that this type of feeling I'm experiencing is normal when the stomach is shrinking.  The feeling does go away after I eat but man, oh man, as soon as my body burns through the food I intake, that feeling returns.  And it sucks, so much!!!  Luckily this is supposed to go away in about 10 days.  10 days...so that means for me...15-20 days since my body is a fighter and it inherited my dad's stubbornness.  Blech!  Blech!  Blech!

Other news in the land of fish, I got complimented on my style of coaching this past weekend, which ultimately landed me a new player to give personal volleyball training sessions to.  YAY!  The conversation went like this,

Player's Mom: "You are so good at getting the kids attention and running these all skills volleyball clinics.  And you enforce discipline.  Are you a mom?"
Me: "Thank you!  But no, I'm not a mom."
Player's Mom: "Are you a teacher?"
Me: "No, I'm not a teacher.  Just been coaching for about 15 years and love to give back to the sport that's been so good to me."
Player's Mom: "Well you are really great at coaching and teaching the skills of volleyball.  Do you do personal training sessions?"
Me: "Of course!"

I don't know why, but being asked if I was a mom or if I was a teacher seemed like a huge compliment to me.  Maybe it's time for a career change.  I have always enjoyed coaching volleyball.  It's just nice when people can see that passion and express appreciation for it.

Day 38: Thankful for Friday

I woke up this morning and I actually felt like I wanted to do my workout.  After so many days of trudging to do the workout, this was the first day in a long time I actually wanted to do it.  I'm still battling with my right calf so sticking to the bike for now.  Spending more time stretching is definitely helping.  Anyhow, today's workout was pretty killer on the triceps.  The elevated triceps finally got me on the 3rd and 4th set, the last three reps I had to go to the ground to finish.  Then the skiiers just made the triceps burn even more!  I though planks were going to be manageable, but alas they were just slightly better executed than the last time.  First 2 sets, solid hold, last two sets, 5 second breaks after 20 seconds and then I finished the remaining 20 seconds in plank position.  Someday, I will be able to do all 4 sets for the 40 seconds solid.  Someday.

Food was better last night.  Not as hungry.  And again, today's breakfast was AMAZING!  I truly look forward to that meal everyday.  The one torturous thing was, I did have dreams about cookies last night.    Here's a good picture that would reflect me thinking about cookies... Oh cookie dream, why did you decide to come back and torture me?  Good thing it's Friday and I'm having a pretty good day.





The next section is just me venting about volleyball so if you want to skip it, I understand.

My college volleyball season is coming to a close soon and tonight is our "Dig Pink" match.  A match in which we raise funds for breast cancer research and the whole crowd and gymnasium are draped in pink.  We play against a very decent team tonight and it would be nice to just take a set from them.  College matches are played best of 5 sets.  We've lost the past 6 matches in 3 straight sets, every one of them, so we are very hungry for just one win.  Please just let us win one set, just one. Although we keep improving, so do the other teams and thus, it leaves us coaches trying out various methods and styles of coaching to find a way to win, even if it's just one set.  It's odd to coach a team that is not phased one way or the other upon the outcome of competition.  Basically we've got a team full of people that just like to be on a team and playing volleyball is second.  How do you coach someone to be competitive when physical fitness penalties do not motivate them?  How do you coach someone that gives only 50% effort and could careless if they get playing time or not?  I suppose these are all rhetorical questions, me just venting frustrations.  This is just so different than I'm used to, but I do cherish these types of challenges, because it just makes me a stronger coach in the end, so long as I can learn from it.

Day 37: Revenge of the Hunger Pangs

Dinner last night was tough.  An apple, an egg white and 150mL milk.  Then 160g veggie snack.

By 10PM I was hungry.
By 12AM I woke up feeling empty.
By 4AM I woke up with hunger pangs.
By dawn, I was ravishingly hungry.

Why did I wake up so much?  Well I drank a lot of water to forget about being hungry.  And well, the side effect of that is I wake up often to use the toilet.  Sometimes I wish it was OK to pee the bed.

And so I ate.  And breakfast is now my favorite meal.

Day 36: Whoa! Leg Pistol Failure

I don't know if it was my leeriness toward my calf but I could only do leg pistols with assistance.  It was kind of sad, I started standing like Patrick's picture, bent my knees and as soon as one leg was lifted in front, I felt super wobbly-bobbly.  I needed assistance on the descent and ascent just to preform the bare minimum of 3 reps per leg for 3 sets.  So good news, a new activity that my body doesn't really know how to do yet.  Awesome (yes, there is sarcasm in that).  Most of the other exercises were not fun either, but I JFD'd.  The planks were a fail today - held the first two sets fine and then the last two sets, I failed to hold for 40 seconds in a row.  My body gave up around 20 sec in final two sets.  I took like a 4 second break and held the remaining 20 seconds for both sets.  I guess the only cool, kind of "cookie monster-esque" thing that did happen was I broke a band while doing the shoulder press.  YEAH!  RRRROOOAAARR!  But then that monstrous feeling soon was overtaken by the money conscience side of me and I was like, "Ah crap, now I got to go buy a new band.  Hrrmmmppff!" 

The diet is getting easier, it's easy when things taste good.  Thanks to all who post recipes.  I was successful in making Sara's homemade applesauce recipe and now have a tough load of applesauce at the ready.  I think last night was the first night I found my emotional state was not too bad.  For 6 nights solid, I've felt like screaming cause I haven't been able to eat what I think is a normal dinner.  It didn't matter that what I was eating did fill me, I was not emotionally satisfied.  So on day 7 of eating a fruit dinner, I finally found it tolerable, mentally.  This week the diet is lessened a bit more...we'll see how it goes.

I'm happy with the changes my body is undergoing.  I took my weekly photos today and I'm very happy with loss of "love" in my back.  Pretty neat to see and feel those changes.  I fit into a pair of shorts that were so tight at the beginning of PCP, I didn't feel comfortable wearing them in public.  But today I wore them to the gym and never once felt self-conscience.  Again, another empowering feeling.  I hope things continue on this path, even if my calf says jump roping cannot be an everyday activity for me.  I am sticking with doing the alternatives and the calf is getting better.  But I am looking forward to when I can return to the jumping activities again.

Day 34: Calf is still bummin'

Well alas, the exercises are going along as good as can be.  Chest dips are definitely tough as I can't support my whole body weigh yet, but I found a nice place to do them, between two sofas!  Yesterday, I went back to jump roping as my calf was feeling just fine, no pain.  I was really trying to pay attention to my body and then on jump 1340...TWING...same right calf muscle, strained yet again.  This is very frustrating.  I finished the remaining 10 jumps on my left leg, and continued on with the rest of the exercises without much issue.  The creeps were a little painful on the calf, so I just didn't go as low.  During all other exercises, I felt the good kind of burn one should feel.  So I'm back to caring for my calf.  I guess I came back too soon to the jump rope and it's such a bummer because again, the alternatives take so much longer!  But I do them and still feel winded and legs tired, but I'd rather be jump roping (never thought I'd say that - ha!).

As for the diet, it's going well.  I'm sticking to it but right now, I'm finding that I have too many veggies in my house and I can't eat them all before they spoil.  Alas, no AMAYW for me this week of anything!  I'm going to try a freeze them.

This past weekend I went apple picking and picked some of the most amazing apples.  I plan to make Sara's apple sauce recipe tonight.

Day 30: Check It Out!

Why is it that for the past 10 years, hip-hop artists have been obsessed with reviving old 80's tunes and taking the original synthesized beats in the background, and then they just rap and sing on top of it?   Sometimes it just creates a mockery of such a great, solid 80's tune and/or they just increase the bpm's to a level where they are placed on a collaboration of tracks of which gym bunnies should work out to.  Either way, why am I obsessed with this song today? 

Day 29: Spent!

The workout today kicked my booty.  During the last two sets of planks, I failed to hold the plank for 30 seconds in a row.  That was one tough, tough exercise.  I dislike not being able to jump rope either because the alternatives seem to take so much longer.  Ah well, it's all for the better of my calf and I can come back to the jump rope stronger than ever.

My first dinner of an apple, banana, 200mL milk and one egg white.  Very, very surprising that I feel pretty satisfied, considering when I got done from volleyball practice I wanted to eat a small horse.  Anyhow, I spent some time in the kitchen making some kale chips.  Geez, that was labor intensive (especially cause I don't have a salad spinner) and man, they came out great but they made me miss salt.  They would be so great with just a little sea salt.  Only in my dreams for now.  So will I make them again, probably, but maybe on a lazy Saturday/Sunday.

Time to dream about salt...

Day 27: Little cautious

Yesterday (the day after the warrior race) I felt really great jumping rope.  I was on a roll, going on 400 in a row and then shortly after that, I felt a sharp pain develop on the outside of my right calf muscle.  Man, why does it have to happen when I'm feeling so good!  And there's never any real warning sign, but I know this injury, I strained my calf muscle.  I'm very familiar with this injury as in recent years it's come back every 5 months or so.  I know what I need to do in order to get better, but I'm just bummed I can't do the jump rope for a while.  I was making such good progress.  Guess I'll be on the bike and elliptical instead of jumping rope.  The rest of the exercises are fine (well except anything involving jumping).

Today's workout was pretty tough, the push-ups and V-sits were the worst as I needed to go to my knees in the last 2 sets of push-ups and well the V-sits, they lost correct form, just didn't have the strength in my core.  I  need to work on those.  Frustration.

Day 25-Part2: Lions and Tigers and Beers, Oh my!

Well not really beers, but I did have one beer to count towards my indulgence.  One light beer after I finished the warrior race.  I did read what Patrick said about beer and its potential effects on the body and I decided it would be worth potentially feeling really bad, so I had a beer.  Plus, I had just got done running the warrior dash and well fell victim to their motto, "warrior, sweat and beer!"  So I had one light beer and I didn't feel bad, it actually tasted so great and I really enjoyed every sip.  Hours later, I still felt fine and the day after that, and the next day after that, just fine, so I guess this time, one beer did not effect me adversely.

But we were allowed 200-400 calories for the indulgence and I had only used 100...so I knew that I either wanted Chic-fil-A waffle fries or a DQ vanilla ice cream cone dipped in chocolate.  So we left the warrior dash in search of a Dairy Queen because 1. I felt like I wanted a true indulgence and 2. I still had the calorie allotment.  With still a good amount of daylight left, we found a DQ and I got a small cone with vanilla ice cream dipped in chocolate.  Oh soooo good.  So very good.  And I felt just fine after that as well.  I felt complete, satisfied that I got to indulge and I stayed within the calorie allotment!  Whoo-hoo.  Little did I know, I had set myself up for failure.

When we finally got home from the day's events, it was just a bit before dinner time.  I was already to get started on creating my PCP supper, but then I sat down and somehow, there were goldfish crackers nearby.  I did not have the PCP discipline and I indulged once more.  I now went over the indulgence caloric allotment, for no good reason at all other than I felt munchy.  I mean true that I had exerted myself more physically than I had in a long while, but that's not a good reason to eat it.  While they did taste good, they didn't taste great.  I wish I had stopped at the ice cream, but I didn't and now time to learn from it.

When eating non-PCP approved stuff, it's hard for me to actually feel full and I start to feel munchy and my brain was like, "dude, eat more stuff."  Unfortunately, I didn't eat the right stuff.  I didn't truly over do it, but I did have more indulgence calories than allotted.  Guess I wasn't ready for the freedom - so it's back on the PCP diet for me.  Cookie Monster 1, Fish 0.  Until the next indulgence "challenge"...

Day 25-Part1: Warrior Dash!

This past Saturday was the big race day - the Warrior Dash!  I convinced one of my friends (Jen) to do it with me and we dressed up as "Old Gregg" from the Mighty Boosh comedy show.  The warrior dash was 3.15 grueling mile course with 13 obstacles intermixed.  I had been training for the past month to get my running stamina up-to-par in addition to the PCP workouts.

Things I did right:
1. I wore a costume - the warrior dash is all about having fun and wearing a costume makes it even more fun.
2. I ran the entire thing - never once did we walk.
3. I wore a costume that was disposable and a bathing suit under it all.  At the end of the race, the thought did occur to me that I would only end up keeping my bathing suit and how very right I was about that!

Jen & Fish BEFORE the Warrior Dash

Things I learned:
1. Next year, train off road.  The entire course was off-road/cornfield/forest and we were jumping over logs while avoiding many roots and stumps.
2. Try to incorporate obstacles in the training.  I had the stomach burning sensation when I finished the hills of terror.
3. I now know what all over dirty feels like...and I LIKE IT!!
4. I have a new respect for any contestants on American Gladiators, Wipe Out, Amazing Race, Survivor, etc...It was quite eye opening to find out what my capabilities actually are.  So now when I'm sitting at home on my sofa and see those contestants competing, I will no longer say, "Oh I could do that better than that."  I will now say, "Oh man, I feel your pain!"

Jen & Fish AFTER in Usain Bolt pose

Day 24: Plankity-Plank-Plank

Dear Planks,

  My name is fish.  It was nice to meet you this morning.  One thing though...please become easier in the future.


Best Regards,

Fish

Day 22: Hard core

Today started off with a misreading. I accidentally did 25 leg-ups instead of sit-ups. I thought it was alot but just told myself to suck it up and jfd! I checked my phone after and I was like whoops. Those were supposed to be situps...oh well, hard core!

The food went well today, although instead of saying eat as much veggies as you like I would prefer to eat as much carbs as you like :) I know, not going to happen.

Things are becoming easier. It's nice to feel in control again. Now if I could just get my volleyball team giving it 100% effort on the court, all would be right in my world.

Day 21: Feeling stronger

Yesterday was a tough day as my stomach was giving me some pains that just continued throughout the day.  I believe I put a little too much fresh garlic in one of fish dishes for flavor and thus I had a bit of trouble digesting what I ate.  I need some time to play around with some different recipes for my protein, hopefully this weekend will allow me to do so. 

Last night, the volleyball team had an away match and we always stop for dinner after the match.  I've been good about bringing my own PCP meal and eating it, it was just extremely hard when they decided to go to a pizzeria place for dinner.  Freshly made, hand-tossed creations of buttery goodness. Yes, I miss that, but I just kept thinking about how heavy I would feel if I ate non-PCP approved stuff.  I resisted.  For 60 minutes I resisted!  There were even fresh baked cookies there and I resisted!!  Yay - go team cookie monster.  The will-power is strong within me.  Every time I do resist temptations, I get rewarded in will-power, which feels pretty awesome. 

So with strong will power, I like to imagine a ladder.  A ladder that with every rung achieved upward, I'm getting that much closer to my goal.  Anyhow, I'm feeling much better today and oddly optimistic which is not my style, but today is a good day.  With only jump ropes to do, my mind and body are happy just to do that.

The Muppet Show - Trudge Trudge/Streaka Streaka

I wanted to share this with everyone. One of my favorite Muppet Show skits. When you just need to trudge through the workout!

Day 19: Trudge, Trudge, Trudge

Wow!  A lot of blogs have been posted since I last logged on.  Gooooo Team Cookie Monster!

I'm still enjoying the daily workouts.  Push-ups are getting better and I'm continually feeling a burn while working withe the resistance bands.  I have found that I need extra motivation on the jump ropes so I put my head down, trudge forward and JFD.  I'm feeling some aches in my knees and ankles from the jumping rope, but nothing too bad.  Each day is different though.  Sometimes I can go 300 with no trip-ups while other days, I will mess up every 50.  On a good note, the endurance is getting better and I only need one break nowadays when doing 800-900 jumps.  Ah well, I'm just gonna push through the exercises and knock 'em out.

Like Patrick said, I have received a few compliments from friends, saying I look slimmer.  I can justify it because my favorite jeans are not as tight in the waist.  That is pretty awesome.

The weekend flew by.  Saturday I had lunch out with a old friend.  Stayed pretty spot on to the PCP diet, grilled chicken over fresh greens, no salad dressing and some wheat bread.  Sunday I ran volleyball clinics for 12-18 year olds and had my college practice as well.  I am not ready for work tomorrow, well more like I do not want to go to work tomorrow.  But guess I'll treat it like my workouts, put my head down and trudge to work!

G'night team cookie monster.  I have a feeling my dreams will be of cookie-intoxication, but as long as the cookies stay in my dreams, I'm safe for now...